The European Jokeforum

Discuss here about everything but the Euro, but keep it decent. No spamming!

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Craft
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Why it is necessary to type email addresses carefully...

Post by Craft » Wed Sep 22, 2004 11:42 am

A middle-aged couple in the North America wanted to go for a holiday in the warm South. So they decided to fly to Florida to the same hotel where they had had their honeymoon 20 years ago.

The husband had a vacation and travelled one day earlier than his wife.

When he had arrived he noticed that there was a computer and Internet connection in the hotel room. So he decided to send an email to his wife.

Unfortunately, he mistyped one letter of the address, and the message went to a certain widow, whose husband had been a priest and had just died. The widow had just come home from his husband's funeral, and she decided to check the mail to read the condolences from their relatives and friends.

When the widow's son came home, he found his mother lying on the floor, fainted. He read on the screen:

To my dearest wife,

I have just arrived to my destination. I know you will be surprised to hear from me. They have all the computers and stuff nowadays, and I can send mail to relatives and friends. I have just logged in.

Everything is ready for your arrival tomorrow. I really look forward to meeting you! I hope your trip goes as smoothly as mine did.

Your loving husband

P.S. It's REALLY hot in here!

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querty
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Post by querty » Thu Dec 23, 2004 4:31 pm

I reached level 6

It is a transportation game. You have to click on the arrows and than they move. You have to put the boxes in the means of transport with the same colour as on the boxes.
Ah, look at all the lonely Euronotes. Where do they all come from? (The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby)

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micro
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Post by micro » Thu Dec 23, 2004 7:42 pm

querty wrote:I reached level 6

It is a transportation game. You have to click on the arrows and than they move. You have to put the boxes in the means of transport with the same colour as on the boxes.
Nice game.

Try this link to play a larger version without the annoying ads.

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Dakkus
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Post by Dakkus » Thu Dec 23, 2004 8:21 pm

Played through it once.
Now trying to play it again with better score :)
Ko saka āboliņš? Pēk pēk pēk!

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MissTracker
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Post by MissTracker » Mon Dec 27, 2004 7:24 pm

I love this story myself... hope you do also :D

A priest and an Australian shepherd met each other in the final of a quiz
show. After answering all the normal questions, they were neck-and-neck
with the same number of points and the quizmaster had to set a deciding
question. The question was, to compose a rhyme in 5 minutes including the
word "Timbuktu".

After 5 minutes, the priest presented his poem :

I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
On my way to Timbuktu..."

The audience was thrilled and celebrated the churchman as the
certain winner. However, then the Aussie stepped forward and recited:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
Since they were three and we were two,
I booked one, and Tim booked two..."
This is me. What is your excuse?

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avij
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Post by avij » Fri Jan 07, 2005 2:55 am

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?", Holmes asks.

Watson pondered for a minute. Then responded:
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Some jerk has stolen our tent."
Money makes the world go round. We track how the money goes round the world.

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N0W1K
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Post by N0W1K » Fri Jan 07, 2005 9:29 am

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks, "What for?"

She says, "I want to kill my husband

He says, "Sorry, I can't do that."

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.

He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

________________________________________________________

ANOTHER 43 YEARS

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

:lol:

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querty
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Post by querty » Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:56 am

Image

This cloud has no manners. :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ah, look at all the lonely Euronotes. Where do they all come from? (The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby)

Carpe Ico

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Sneakster
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Post by Sneakster » Thu Feb 10, 2005 11:10 pm

A Scot moved over to Canada. After a couple of months he invited his old father to come and stay with him for a while. Showing him the house, they arrive in the livingroom where's this giant moosehead over the fireplace. The father, unfamiliar with the animal, asks his son what it is.
"That's a moose" Whereupon the father replies: "Well, if that's a mouse, I wonder what yer rats are like..."

A biker and a nicely dressed lady are in an elevator. All of a sudden the biker turns to the lady: " Can I smell your pussy?" The lady, in awe: "Oh no, certainly NOT"
The biker: "Oh well, must be your feet than..."

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querty
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Post by querty » Sun Apr 02, 2006 7:00 pm

Ah, look at all the lonely Euronotes. Where do they all come from? (The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby)

Carpe Ico

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avij
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Post by avij » Sun May 21, 2006 6:50 pm

It appears that we have some spammers spamming the forum, and sometimes the spam is disguised as a joke. I thought it'd be a waste to remove those jokes just because they're from a spammer. So, here's the first of the series (sans the spam links, which were the reason those messages are posted), this time by mambaramba:
mambaramba wrote:During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"
Dear spammer, if you wish to spam us further with these jokes, please do so in this topic. Thanks.
Money makes the world go round. We track how the money goes round the world.

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JP Simões
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Post by JP Simões » Sun May 21, 2006 7:01 pm

There's another joke topic
De férias por período indeterminado...

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avij
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Post by avij » Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:05 pm

sagamaska wrote:Women Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer , he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said,

"I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: Old men can still think fast.
Money makes the world go round. We track how the money goes round the world.

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avij
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Post by avij » Mon Jun 12, 2006 1:34 pm

albacybergirl wrote:Mum & Dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with an ice cream and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.
A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by"
A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company" he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike....."
"The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!
Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex??"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with an ice cream too."
Money makes the world go round. We track how the money goes round the world.

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Post by Le Hibou » Sat Aug 12, 2006 4:16 am

Man goes to his doctor for the results of some medical tests....

Doctor: "I'm afraid I've got some very bad news for you..."
---Man: "What is it Doc? Tell me!"
Doctor: "Well I'm afraid you've caught a rare tropical disease, always fatal, and..."
---Man (panicky) "Oh my God! Tell me, how long have I got to live?"
Doctor: "Ten..."
---Man: (even more panicky): "Ten what? Months? Weeks???"
Doctor: "Nine..."

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