The European Jokeforum

querty · Post by **querty** » Mon Aug 25, 2003 8:02 pm

One Sunday, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering.

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.

Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

querty · Post by **querty** » Mon Aug 25, 2003 8:04 pm

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 each," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

!Pretfles! · Post by **!Pretfles!** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 3:07 pm

I think a program like blind date is familiar in every country

this happened on the belgian one

http://users.pandora.be/ggoole1/blinddate.mpeg

just click the link

she must have felt

like this

avij · Post by **avij** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 3:59 pm

"Whew, that made me sweat but I suppose it was worth it, the audience wouldn't have applauded so much if they didn't like it... ... oh dear."

bhoeyb -at work- · Post by **bhoeyb -at work-** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:11 pm

Who cares, ... she's BLOND

.

Annie_in_exile · Post by **Annie_in_exile** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:23 pm

Please don't tell me all that effort was wasted... if the date-guy didn't see a glimpse

querty · Post by **querty** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:43 pm

Did he chose her?

I watch that show sometimes but this one I didn't. You have sometimes strange people there.

!Pretfles! · Post by **!Pretfles!** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 4:48 pm

I actually think that this has been cut out of the actual show

Donald · Post by **Donald** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 5:03 pm

http://www.pinoekel.de/ok/ok.html

This is a very simple and stupid kind of humour and it is German.

The instructions read:
1) Turn on your speakers
2) Watch the picture during 60 seconds without laughing
3) If you begin to laugh, you are most probably mentally insane

I would like to know if non-Germans laugh about this

!Pretfles! · Post by **!Pretfles!** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 5:22 pm

I didn't laugh
I hope this is good

what did you do Donald?

Donald · Post by **Donald** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 6:16 pm

!Pretfles! wrote:what did you do Donald?

I laugh. Even now, after 2 weeks, I laugh. Idon't know why, the more I try not laugh the more I must laugh. It is just silly, and there is no point behind it.

Maybe I'm glad
Maybe I'm sad
Maybe I'm a little mad

Tiger · Post by **Tiger** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 6:26 pm

I Grauetane You Can Untrdnasd Tihs!
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist
and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey
lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro

I also have this one in Dutch...

Vlgones een oznrdeeok op een Eglnese uvinretsiet mkaat het neit uit in wlkee vloogdre de ltteers in een wrood saatn, het einge wat blegnaijrk is, is dat de eretse en de ltaatse ltteer op de jiutse patals saatn. De rset van de ltteers mgoen wllikueirg gpletaast wdoren en je knut vrelvogens gwoeon lzeen wat er saatt. Dit kmot odmat we neit ekle ltteer op zcih lzeen maar het wrood als gheeel.

bhoeyb · Post by **bhoeyb** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 9:01 pm

Tiger wrote:
I Grauetane You Can Untrdnasd Tihs!
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist
and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you
can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey
lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. ceehiro
I also have this one in Dutch...

Vlgones een oznrdeeok op een Eglnese uvinretsiet mkaat het neit uit in wlkee vloogdre de ltteers in een wrood saatn, het einge wat blegnaijrk is, is dat de eretse en de ltaatse ltteer op de jiutse patals saatn. De rset van de ltteers mgoen wllikueirg gpletaast wdoren en je knut vrelvogens gwoeon lzeen wat er saatt. Dit kmot odmat we neit ekle ltteer op zcih lzeen maar het wrood als gheeel.

They're right ! Strange ...

BogPoet · Post by **BogPoet** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 9:53 pm

Donald wrote:http://www.pinoekel.de/ok/ok.html

This is a very simple and stupid kind of humour and it is German.

The instructions read:
1) Turn on your speakers
2) Watch the picture during 60 seconds without laughing
3) If you begin to laugh, you are most probably mentally insane

I would like to know if non-Germans laugh about this

It made me *smile* for the first five seconds, but as I stare longer, it just keeps getting more and more non-funny... Maybe it's a German thing

avij · Post by **avij** » Thu Sep 25, 2003 11:04 pm

This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is fun to decide which choice you should make. Read the story carefully.

The situation: You are in the Midwest, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised, and infrastructures destroyed.

Let's say that you're a photographer out getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes.

You come across Al Gore and George Bush, who have been swept away by the floodwaters. They are barely hanging on to a tree limb and are about to go under.

You can either put down your camera and save them, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of them as they lose their grip on the limb.

So, here's the dilemma and think carefully before you answer the question below.

Remember, be honest and think carefully before answering.

I suppose you're ready for the question now..

Which lens would you use?