A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
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In Germany jokes about the Eastfrisians were very popular during the 70s. Here is an example:
Traffic check in Eastern Frisia. One of the drivers has left his driving license back home. He wants to avoid trouble and tries to bribe the policeman with a 10 Deutschmarks note. The Eastfrisian policeman checks the note carefully.
"Hm, you wear your hair much shorter now.
I appreciate that you drive over 10 years without an accident.
Well, I must arrest you anyway - your license is only valid for sailboats!"
Traffic check in Eastern Frisia. One of the drivers has left his driving license back home. He wants to avoid trouble and tries to bribe the policeman with a 10 Deutschmarks note. The Eastfrisian policeman checks the note carefully.
"Hm, you wear your hair much shorter now.
I appreciate that you drive over 10 years without an accident.
Well, I must arrest you anyway - your license is only valid for sailboats!"
-
querty
- Euro-Master in Training
- Posts: 999
- Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2003 5:22 pm
- Location: Opitter, Belgian Limburg, Belgium
"Fyooosh!" So long, Lake Chesterfield
By Joel Currier
Of the Post-Dispatch
06/10/2004
The 22 acre lake at the Harbors at Lake Chesterfield, Pierside Lane, is gone.
(SAM LEONE /P-D)
Recent heavy rain may have washed Lake Chesterfield down the drain.
A sinkhole at the bottom of the 23-acre lake in Wildwood swallowed millions of gallons of water in a few days this week.
The sinkhole "was just like a ticking time bomb," said geologist Dave Taylor. "It held for all this time, and finally it broke loose."
Nearby residents say the water in the man-made lake began draining rapidly last weekend. By Wednesday afternoon, the lake had vanished, revealing a squishy, muddy basin and a 50-foot-wide crack in the lake's northern end. When full, the lake had an average depth of 7 to 10 feet.
On Thursday, residents were still marveling at the dry lake. Petr Ivanchuk, 50, who lives in a nearby development, said: "It was dropping lower than it was supposed to be, and two days later, it was like, 'fyooosh!'"
"This is just freaky," said Donna Ripp of Chesterfield. "It's just sad. You buy your house out on a lake like this, and look what happens."
Some residents questioned whether construction nearby had caused the lake to drain.
But Taylor, who inspected the lake bed Wednesday, discounted that theory. The sinkhole probably was caused by water built up from recent thunderstorms, Taylor said. The water flowed underground to an above-ground spring about four miles north of the lake. He said Missouri's "karst topography" features porous limestone that cracks and dissolves when it becomes saturated with water. When water breaks down the limestone bedrock over time, it carves underground pockets of air. Those spaces can cause the bedrock to collapse, forming a sinkhole.
Lake Chesterfield dams water from Caulk's Creek, which flows to the Missouri River, Taylor said.
Glenn Powers, planning director for St. Louis County, said the Wildwood area is not known for developing sinkholes. The lake and housing were built before the city was incorporated in 1994. He said aerial photos kept by the county had indicated no presence of sinkholes.
"These things happen," Powers said.
Sinkholes are formed by the same kinds of geological conditions that carve out underground caves. According to the Missouri Department of Natural Resources, Missouri is home to more than 5,000 underground caves, thanks to its karst topography. Karst is extremely common throughout the Midwest and is characterized by rolling landscape, springs, caves and losing streams, which are streams that lose water to the adjacent aquifer when the water table drops below the stream level.
Teresa Haire, a manager for the Harbor of Lake Chesterfield Homeowners Association, said the lake was built when the housing development went up in the late 1980s. About 60 of the 676 houses and condominiums in the development border the lake, she said.
Haire said some residents are concerned that the sinkhole could have been caused by silt runoff from a neighboring construction site for the Enclaves at Cherry Hills development.
Carrie Hermeling, a lawyer representing JMB, LLC, the developer of the Enclaves at Cherry Hills, acknowledged some silt runoff into a smaller lake that borders Lake Chesterfield. But she said a June 4 test of that smaller lake - known as Upper Lake Chesterfield - showed no "measurable change" (six or more inches) in its water level.
Haire said Taylor, the geologist, and an engineer are developing a plan to seal the sinkhole. Taylor said it could take about a month to repair. Cost estimates of that work are not available. Haire confirmed that because the lake is private property, subdivision residents would have to foot the bill.
A stream of cars and trucks lined Pierside Lane on the northern edge of the lake most of Thursday. Scores of people peered over the barren landscape, where cranes feasted on dead fish on the lake floor. Several observers pinched their noses from the smell of the fish and boggy lake bottom. The drained lake also revealed shells littering the lake bed and a bike stuck in the mud.
Eric Ripp of Chesterfield stood with his wife, Donna, at the northern edge of the lake Thursday afternoon. Ripp said he was amazed by the sight.
"Mother Nature," he said. "Don't mess with her."
Reporter Joel Currier
This article came from STLtoday.com. It's strange, you live at a lake and next morning it isn't there anymore.
By Joel Currier
Of the Post-Dispatch
06/10/2004
The 22 acre lake at the Harbors at Lake Chesterfield, Pierside Lane, is gone.
(SAM LEONE /P-D)
Recent heavy rain may have washed Lake Chesterfield down the drain.
A sinkhole at the bottom of the 23-acre lake in Wildwood swallowed millions of gallons of water in a few days this week.
The sinkhole "was just like a ticking time bomb," said geologist Dave Taylor. "It held for all this time, and finally it broke loose."
Nearby residents say the water in the man-made lake began draining rapidly last weekend. By Wednesday afternoon, the lake had vanished, revealing a squishy, muddy basin and a 50-foot-wide crack in the lake's northern end. When full, the lake had an average depth of 7 to 10 feet.
On Thursday, residents were still marveling at the dry lake. Petr Ivanchuk, 50, who lives in a nearby development, said: "It was dropping lower than it was supposed to be, and two days later, it was like, 'fyooosh!'"
"This is just freaky," said Donna Ripp of Chesterfield. "It's just sad. You buy your house out on a lake like this, and look what happens."
Some residents questioned whether construction nearby had caused the lake to drain.
But Taylor, who inspected the lake bed Wednesday, discounted that theory. The sinkhole probably was caused by water built up from recent thunderstorms, Taylor said. The water flowed underground to an above-ground spring about four miles north of the lake. He said Missouri's "karst topography" features porous limestone that cracks and dissolves when it becomes saturated with water. When water breaks down the limestone bedrock over time, it carves underground pockets of air. Those spaces can cause the bedrock to collapse, forming a sinkhole.
Lake Chesterfield dams water from Caulk's Creek, which flows to the Missouri River, Taylor said.
Glenn Powers, planning director for St. Louis County, said the Wildwood area is not known for developing sinkholes. The lake and housing were built before the city was incorporated in 1994. He said aerial photos kept by the county had indicated no presence of sinkholes.
"These things happen," Powers said.
Sinkholes are formed by the same kinds of geological conditions that carve out underground caves. According to the Missouri Department of Natural Resources, Missouri is home to more than 5,000 underground caves, thanks to its karst topography. Karst is extremely common throughout the Midwest and is characterized by rolling landscape, springs, caves and losing streams, which are streams that lose water to the adjacent aquifer when the water table drops below the stream level.
Teresa Haire, a manager for the Harbor of Lake Chesterfield Homeowners Association, said the lake was built when the housing development went up in the late 1980s. About 60 of the 676 houses and condominiums in the development border the lake, she said.
Haire said some residents are concerned that the sinkhole could have been caused by silt runoff from a neighboring construction site for the Enclaves at Cherry Hills development.
Carrie Hermeling, a lawyer representing JMB, LLC, the developer of the Enclaves at Cherry Hills, acknowledged some silt runoff into a smaller lake that borders Lake Chesterfield. But she said a June 4 test of that smaller lake - known as Upper Lake Chesterfield - showed no "measurable change" (six or more inches) in its water level.
Haire said Taylor, the geologist, and an engineer are developing a plan to seal the sinkhole. Taylor said it could take about a month to repair. Cost estimates of that work are not available. Haire confirmed that because the lake is private property, subdivision residents would have to foot the bill.
A stream of cars and trucks lined Pierside Lane on the northern edge of the lake most of Thursday. Scores of people peered over the barren landscape, where cranes feasted on dead fish on the lake floor. Several observers pinched their noses from the smell of the fish and boggy lake bottom. The drained lake also revealed shells littering the lake bed and a bike stuck in the mud.
Eric Ripp of Chesterfield stood with his wife, Donna, at the northern edge of the lake Thursday afternoon. Ripp said he was amazed by the sight.
"Mother Nature," he said. "Don't mess with her."
Reporter Joel Currier
This article came from STLtoday.com. It's strange, you live at a lake and next morning it isn't there anymore.
Ah, look at all the lonely Euronotes. Where do they all come from? (The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby)
Carpe Ico
Carpe Ico
A Clean Joke
It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
It is hard to find a joke without a dirty word or two in it. Here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate'."
Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
How To Get a Gorilla off the roof.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers" He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the concerned and confused homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the pit bull."
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers" He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the concerned and confused homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the pit bull."
-
querty
- Euro-Master in Training
- Posts: 999
- Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2003 5:22 pm
- Location: Opitter, Belgian Limburg, Belgium
I found this photograph on the website www.bier.be, which was standing on the bill of this hit.
Apparently it is a site with photo's from someone who sends a lot of weatherphoto's to the weather program on the national channel here in Belgium.
Ah, look at all the lonely Euronotes. Where do they all come from? (The Beatles, Eleanor Rigby)
Carpe Ico
Carpe Ico
-
avij
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 6195
- Joined: Mon May 27, 2002 10:45 pm
- Location: Helsinki Finland
- Contact:
80,000 blondes meet for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh - everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh - everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
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