Cultural differences - money as a wedding present?

Annie_in_exile · Post by **Annie_in_exile** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 11:27 am

The discussion about a fellow tracker getting married triggered this new thread. I'd be curious to know how things are in your country: is it appropriate to give (or ask for) money as a wedding present, and how is it collected? In some countries you fold notes into a butterfly shape, for instance, and attach them to a plant and give that to the happy couple. Or you give cheques, or nowadays the modern couple may even mention their bank account number in the wedding invitation.

Please tell how it's done in your country, and what is generally considered acceptable and what is rude. Or what do you think personally? Would you only give "real" presents like glasses, plates, textiles and not money?

Ganymede · Post by **Ganymede** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:22 pm

Some couples have a wedding list, either at a store or online, but there are many couples that have a little envelope printed on the invitation, generally with a short - amusing - message to signify they prefer money to 'gifts'. I think that's generally the way the money's presented too, ie in an envelope, not out in the open.

hoppa · Post by **hoppa** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 12:33 pm

Here it depends on the people who get married. When I got married (some 20 years ago) I was'nt living together yet so put a list of possible gifts in a shop. Even so there were people who gave an envelop with money on their arrival at the party.
Nowadays most people who get married are already living together for some time and therefor have most of the things you need around the house and then they do just as ganymede said, ask for money with a little funny poëm. In an envelop or directly on the bankaccount doesn't really matter(same difference).

Wouter1 · Post by **Wouter1** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 1:10 pm

As we got married (18-10-1996) we insisted on presents. Most people find/found it very convenient to give money in an envelope and don't bother much thinking about the persons behind the marriage.

I always try to go trough etwas more trouble and find something appropriate for the happy couple besides the microwave, fruit press etc.

Should you give money: Give the local currency of country the Honeymoon's going to: e.g. South African Rand

My 0,02 €

Ganymede · Post by **Ganymede** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 1:58 pm

Wouter1 wrote:Should you give money: Give the local currency of country the Honeymoon's going to: e.g. South African Rand

That's a very nice idea. But then again, I for one wouldn't want to go anywhere outside the euro zone...

Donald · Post by **Donald** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 4:38 pm

I hate wedding lists. Unluckily enough they are used in Germany. It is also possible to give money, which requires that you arrange the money in a creative way, because just giving away money implies that you are not empathic for the happy couple's needs. The butterfly money bills in a bunch of flowers are a well accepted solution. My fiancee has developed the "Geldspritze" (German phrase for a monetary infusion). She rolls some notes very tightly and puts them in a one-way syringe. If you want to keep the piston in the syringe, you can only put 1 bill into 1 syringe. A bunch of flowers with some syringes containing money also looks nice.

Ganymede · Post by **Ganymede** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 5:10 pm

Donald wrote:My fiancee

That implies another upcoming wedding... Have you set a date yet?

As for presents of money, not necessarily for weddings, my mom has a number of books with 'interesting' ways of folding money, though usually she gets mé to do them (and usually very láte...)

Annie_in_exile · Post by **Annie_in_exile** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 5:35 pm

Yep, my ears pricked up as well. And also I'd like to hear more from Donald, I don't quite understand this part: "just giving away money implies that you are not empathic for the happy couple's needs." How? Why not?

I personally don't have a problem with giving money as a present, especially if it's the newlyweds' own wish, but I know several people who would just buy something "real" instead of giving money to the "materialistic couple who just want the guests to finance the whole party", as a friend put it. I really think that one should respect the wish of the people who are organising the party - your own preferences should not play a part here.

When my best friend suddenly decided to get married, the wedding was only a couple of weeks away. Therefore, I didn't have time to give her exactly what I wanted: I would have made her a crocheted bed-spread. So, I started making it anyway, knowing that I wouldn't finish it on time. When it was time to bring the presents, I made a parcel of the parts I had finished by that time together with a text "the rest will follow". It may have seemed strange for some of the guests. And I did finish... but it took some time

Nowadays I would have a gift ready (another crocheted large bedspread), but the couple whom it was intended to split up instead of getting married. But at least I'm prepared!

Donald · Post by **Donald** » Fri Feb 06, 2004 8:04 pm

Annie_in_exile wrote:I don't quite understand this part: "just giving away money implies that you are not empathic for the happy couple's needs." How? Why not?

This is easy: Real good friends of the couple can sense what the couple need or they demonstrate interest by investigating. Giving money has a flavor like: "I have visited you so many times but I never asked myself what you need and I am not interested in your needs, so I never asked and because I won't waste my precious time with figuring out how I could please you, I just give you this stinking old money!" Money is just so awfully trivial, because it is so simply obvious. To special friends you give something special.

!Pretfles! · Post by **!Pretfles!** » Sat Feb 07, 2004 12:28 am

Well being the fellow tracker that asked for cash

Let me explain why.

I live together with my soon to be wife (in about 11 hours) for 3 years now,we have our own place, and furniture and other stuff.

Whats the point to have a presentlist when you have almost everything you need,
it would be completely different if I would marry before living together.

So now I'm off to bed to be fit for 11.15AM when it will happen.
Please spend some moment of your toughts to me

and thanks for the kind wishes

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 07, 2004 8:13 am

!Pretfles! wrote:Well being the fellow tracker that asked for cash
Let me explain why.

I live together with my soon to be wife (in about 11 hours) for 3 years now,we have our own place, and furniture and other stuff.

Whats the point to have a presentlist when you have almost everything you need,
it would be completely different if I would marry before living together.

So now I'm off to bed to be fit for 11.15AM when it will happen.
Please spend some moment of your toughts to me
and thanks for the kind wishes

I wish you all the luck in the world with your wife. Congratulations!!

Van Geel · Post by **Van Geel** » Sat Feb 07, 2004 8:17 am

Anonymous wrote:
!Pretfles! wrote:Well being the fellow tracker that asked for cash
Let me explain why.

I live together with my soon to be wife (in about 11 hours) for 3 years now,we have our own place, and furniture and other stuff.

Whats the point to have a presentlist when you have almost everything you need,
it would be completely different if I would marry before living together.

So now I'm off to bed to be fit for 11.15AM when it will happen.
Please spend some moment of your toughts to me
and thanks for the kind wishes
I wish you all the luck in the world with your wife. Congratulations!!

This was my message, I forgot to log in.

Ganymede · Post by **Ganymede** » Sat Feb 07, 2004 11:33 am

Ta dum dudum...

See? I'm thinking of you. Let us know how it was...

!Pretfles! · Post by **!Pretfles!** » Sun Feb 08, 2004 5:07 pm

When I have some more time I will make a full report,
but most important we both said yes

BogPoet · Post by **BogPoet** » Sun Feb 08, 2004 5:40 pm

!Pretfles! wrote:When I have some more time I will make a full report,
but most important we both said yes

Congratulations and all the happiness in the world for both of you!